On nothing

Posted on Fri 03 May 2013 in Life • 3 min read

It’s been almost six months since I signed up on this experiment - to do nothing.

My decision was to put a hard stop on all creations. I started by transitioning out of my open source projects, my co developers were kind enough to take the responsibility. Lucky to have worked with awesome people. I stopped the idea notebook. And peacefully ignored the thoughts about new applications, beautiful systems and mash-ups.

I have awesome friends who are passionate about life, the world and software bridging the gap between.  During these months, I did manage to get out of our awesome discussions on the future, and software taking over the world :) I have said no to many opportunities to collaborate and build with you. My apologies if I have hurt you or sounded arrogant. You now know the reason.

So what did you do in these months?

I saw tidbits and observed. Every time I would get dragged by urge to create, I would remind the self “It’s 2013, so what the what..” ;)

I spent a good amount of time with friends. I tried awesome working hours. I cooked food at home for most of the days. I cooked for friends too… good stuff. Worked out daily for some months. But then there came the dimension of mind…

I saw relationships being forged and being washed away. I saw how people elope with loved ones ;) I saw the fear, the worry of having (and not having). I saw how we manipulate. Just because one thing matters to us, how we make the world tune to that one thing. And we justify the puny little deeds of ours.

I thought about my thoughts. I got curious. Tried. I got attached, terribly so. I would wake up with them, and try to push them away.. only to bring them to be with me all day. I tried desperately to get out of it. I wrote down on scraps of papers, dump the emotions, reduced everything to just concepts in my mind. Multiple times. And I would get curious again. It’s 2013, so what the what… I remember the weekend I spent on just thinking about “someday”, the science of it… seriously.

About curiosity, it drove me crazy when I thought I had to learn a thought or fathom its depth. It drove me crazy when I did learn. Unending cycles of craziness. So the key take away, if you’re able to reduce something to just a concept; stop, stop, absolutely stop there, don’t get curious :)

I discovered the fear of resonance. The first time ever. There were moments where I did not speak, I had two concerns. First, I was afraid words may dilute my thoughts. Second, what if the whole universe can relate to what I said. The immense power of that relatedness scared me. It still scares me.

I had a concept that actions should never depend on the people or the environment. What is right is right; the river has to flow, so it flows… across the mountains, the gorges, the plains or the canals. The environment is just a detail. I think I have tried to live up to this, consequences… not sure.

Along the way, some things in the present triggered the past. Thanks to the stupid pattern matching engine in my head, I spent evenings in the past as well ;) It was worth it, you know; when you look back and smile at your old self.

Well, that’s a summary of what nothingness does ;) I stopped creating, but curiosity picked up a different channel, it appears.

Long time. I have four days of rest now. Time to reflect and reconcile the bits n pieces I collected along… one more experiment after that, may be. Let’s see.

// A friend’s post triggered a thought on creation today morning. I thought to pen down my experiment…